September 01, 2003

Here's a synopsis of a news story I read today:

A pizza delivery driver named Douglas Wells walks into a bank in Erie, PA and hands them an "extensive note" that both demands money and informs the teller that he has a bomb strapped to his chest. Police capture him in a parking lot a few minutes later. While Wells is handcuffed in the police station, he tells them that he was forced to rob the bank, and that the bomb under his shirt was placed there by someone else. He begins to become frantic and begs the police to remove the bomb. Before the bomb squad can arrive, it explodes and Wells is killed. Investigators describe the bomb as "remarkably sophisticated".

The police then contact the pizza restaurant's manager, who confirms that he did get a call for a pizza delivery to a location he did not recognize. The manager gave the phone to Wells, who left to deliver the pizza and never returned. The delivery address that Wells was sent to turns out to a gravel road that leads to a television transmission tower.

Why the fuck is Laci Peterson plastered all over the front page for days on end, when stuff like this is a quarter-page hidden between ads for Volvos and The Home Depot!?! Truth is stranger than fiction, especially when the truth sounds like something out of a psycho-horror movie.

Posted on September 01, 2003 05:37 PM

Google News is your friend. This case is wild! Handmade metal collar that locked the bomb to his neck? Multipage handwritten bank-robbery note? A second pizza delivery guy from the same place dead three days later of mysterious causes???

As to why this isn't front-page news, it's simple - neither of the pizza delivery guys is a blonde woman. ;)

Posted by: Sarah on September 2, 2003 10:47 AM

neither was laci peterson. did the baby give her constructive blondeness?

Posted by: holohan on September 2, 2003 11:00 AM

jacob, you forgot to include a surreal and/or irrelevant image with this post. shame.

Posted by: dianna on September 2, 2003 04:12 PM

Phew! Thanks for reminding me about the image!

Posted by: Jacob on September 2, 2003 04:14 PM

The "best" part about this story... according to the newscast that I watched, "police are currently looking into the pizza delivery man's past to see if he has a history that would lead him to bank roberry"

They are trying to act like the guy just wanted to rob the fucking bank! Did anybody notice that he fucking blew up and was begging police to help him get the bomb off- crying "why isn't anyone helping me?"

People are stupid.

Posted by: Jolie on September 2, 2003 04:52 PM

From everything that I've read, they're treating it as a homicide and are looking into the guy's past to find out if he ever made any bizzaro-land enemies. I think the newscast was the st00pid here...

Posted by: Jacob on September 3, 2003 12:33 AM

Oops, yeah, I guess Laci isn't blonde. Shows what I get for reading text news and never checking out the photos.

Posted by: Sarah on September 3, 2003 07:12 AM