And now for the story of the moving-day fiasco.

Original Plan

1. Pick up truck at 8:00am.
   
2. Pack all of my stuff.
   
3. Go to Dianna's, pack all of her stuff into the truck and swap my small bed for her large one.
   
4. Drive truck to new apartment.
   
5. Unpack truck.
   
6. Return truck by 6pm (we had a 10 hour reservation).
   

But, of course, nothing ever works the way you want it to.

Actual Moving Fiasco

8:00 -- Pick up truck and start packing it.

12:00 -- Take a break from packing my apartment. While eating a snack, I glance at my rental contract. In small print it mentions that I only have the truck until 2:00.

12:05 -- There's no way we can make it. Freak out.

12:06 -- Call U-Haul to sort out this innocent misunderstanding. They let me know that I can keep the truck for as long as I want, but it will cost me $100 for every 2 hours it's past due.

12:07 -- It will take at least 3 hours to pack/unpack a minimal load of our stuff. Freak out.

12:10 -- Incredible packing frenzy. I somehow manage to manhandle my dresser and bookshelf into the back of the truck single-handedly.

12:30 -- Attempt to close up truck so that I can drive it (quickly) to Dianna's house. Loading ramp becomes stuck, refusing to go in or out. A quick look under the truck reveals that a weld has broken off the ramp, separating it from the wheeled dolly.

12:35 -- Now the truck will be 5 hours late. I'm going to be driven into the poorhouse. Freak out.

12:40 -- Jason calls and lets me know he can't come out and visit before his flight leaves. Now I'm both freaking out and very, very sad.

12:45 -- Call U-Haul's emergency breakdown line. They let me know that a mechanic will call me within an hour to let me know when he can come fix the truck.

12:50 -- A great peace falls over me. I realize that there is no way in hell that I will ever get the truck back in time. All need to worry has been lifted, because now there's nothing I can do at all. I'm still sad because I don't get to see Jason one last time.

1:00 -- A nasty series of calls to U-Haul puts them in their place. I convince the fuckfaces that their mechanic won't be out to fix the truck until 4:00, so they give me an extension until closing (7:00pm).

3:30 -- The most snaggle-toothed tow-truck driver I have ever seen shows up to fix the truck. He has me hand him a giant green crowbar. Things get bashed. I'm practically jumping up and down, hoping that he asks me to give the goddamn truck a few good thumps. Sadly, though, he fixes the ramp without breaking the truck's soul.

3:50 - 6:30 -- Moving continues uneventfully. The truck is returned on time.

7:00 - 9:00 -- Unpack. I notice that a herd of turtles seem to have taken residence under the skin of my upper back. No, those are muscle knots. My legs have large incipient bruises, making me look like the victim of a midget-beating. Blissful sleep.