November 13, 2002
It's time for another verse in the epic Ballad of Carlson.
Brian treats our apartment like a hotel. I know this sounds like an awfully motherly thing to be saying, but I've never seen someone live like this. For example, when you walk into the bathroom you'll see several towels on the rack, my RoboToothBrush on the sink, some of assorted toiletries in the cabinet, and soap/shampoo in the shower. Brian owns none of these things except a few towels. The rest is all mine. When I first moved in, the bathroom was completely empty; except for tumbleweeds drifting past and crickets chirping, it was totally sterile. So how does Brian keep himself clean? All of his toiletries are in a little basket that he stores in his room. Everything else is set up similarly. The kitchen is absolutely immaculate (he's complained to me before about not wiping up toast crumbs immediately after ingesting said breakfast delicacy) and shows no sign of ever having been used.
Sometimes I think that if I were to move out, no one would ever notice that someone was living in the apartment unless they opened the door to Brian's bedroom.
Posted on November 13, 2002 11:55 AM
your last two entries are Dr. Watson and Whack.
I think there's a saturday morning cartoon in there.
So is the inside of his bedroom more human? The man must cut loose somewhere and behave in a less than absurdly tidy manner. I am sure that his lab bench is the picture of cleanliness... maybe he has a storage locker somewhere that he visits and makes messes in to blow off some steam. Perhaps further Carlsonian research will reveal the mysterious forces that drive his bizarre behavior, and ways in which he resembles "average" humans. I think that you should covertly shadow him for a day and see where he goes and what he does. That would clearly give a great deal of insight into his behavior, and would make a fascinating entry on your webpage.
His room (at least what I've seen of it) is an immaculate replica of a bedroom. There is a perfectly made bed in the exact location where a bed should be. There is a computer desk (free of any clutter) in the precise spot where a computer desk would be most useful. His closet door is always closed and never hanging open as if he has recently removed some article of clothing. His floor is devoid of any sort of mess. His walls have the appropriate number of personal and fun items tacked up on them, but are not cluttered or overly bare.
It's like he studied some book on how to have a bedroom.
The only time I've ever seen him do anything rash was when I watched him play Grand Theft Auto III on his laptop. I must say...his playing style was incredibly violent. He ran down dozens of pedestrians, got into a shootout with the police, and then rammed his car into a wall so that is self-destructed, taking many innocent lives in the process.
But I haven't seen him play it at all since then. Maybe I caught him in a moment of weakness that he's now ashamed of.